Our stationery family grows
our beautiful family photos captured by clean plate pictures.
Somehow, it’s been 3 years since I became a mom. Logan will turn 3 on February 27, 2021 and just about a month before that we are expecting another baby boy. As I write this, it feels right but also surreal. I’m one of those people who has fairly “easy” pregnancies (from what I can tell from only doing it twice so far). However this second time around had a bit of drama. Long story short, I ended up with a 13cm cyst on my right ovary which was found at my first sonogram. In my second trimester it had to be removed, along with said ovary. So long lady. I’m told it won’t effect any attempts at a third child in the future so I’m not too worried. But I was very relieved to have that cyst removed and get back to having a normal, healthy pregnancy, Something I don’t take for granted!
This was the year of Covid. The pandemic. The year my business went from hitting the most growth it’s seen in five years to completely plummeting. Along with so many small businesses this year, the wedding industry was hit pretty hard. Gatherings became unheard of and so out went the need for custom wedding invitations. I knew it was out of my control and that I was one of many in this boat. I threw myself a little pity party, probably once a week in the beginning. And then I settled in a bit to what became the famous phrase, “pivoting.”
What could I do with all this time? How could I make the most of this time so that when my work started up again, I felt I had at least accomplished one thing? As an entrepreneur to my core, I’m always dreaming and planning. Listening to podcasts, reading articles, business books, studying businesses who I admire and what they’re doing. I love to learn about business in general and then figure out how to apply what I’m learning and observing to my own. It’s a lot of experimenting, trial and error. It requires all the patience. And I would never choose another way. I love what I do so deeply and I feel that love spark up even when just organizing my inventory. My stationery passion drives me.
Motherhood combined with entrepreneurship. Not an easy combination. It’s challenging enough to be a working mother, trying to find time for everything. We all deserve metals and cookies and hugs. We are all doing our best every day for ourselves, our kids, our partners, everyone. Feeling grateful for what we have and being so present where you are in each moment is so key. 2020 taught me this even more than I thought I knew. It forced me to slow down. Be where I am. Go with the flow. Stress a little less about money, success, growing. It will happen eventually. I truly believe when we work hard and put everything into achieving our goals we can get there. I believe that for anyone. What I needed the lesson in was grace. Having grace for myself and for time and for the things that are not in my control.
It took almost 2 years for me to feel like *myself* again after having Logan. I am an extremely introverted person, meaning I feel the most charged and energized when I’m alone. Pre-motherhood that time was usually spent painting, working, creating. Sometimes baking, reading or watching a movie. Post motherhood, well that needed to be learned. I needed to evolve into a new version. Stephanie 2.0. Being alone was not really a thing until bedtime and by then I was too exhausted to do anything but rest and sleep. But that 2 years went by. Many tears, lots of marital arguments, much therapy. I have a husband who is willing to fight and work towards being better and getting better. Wanting to grow and accepting the need to change is the first step to therapy really working for you. We are born knowing so little about the most important things. Emotion, communication, growing up. Learning those things in marriage is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.
After 2 years we were ready for another baby. When I say ready, I mean as ready as one can be for the ultimate unknown. I was definitely not ready for my first baby. I thought I was but I was wrong. It’s okay though because kids have a way of making you see things differently and for the better. They make you less selfish and more proactive. I never knew how much I could accomplish in a one hour nap. I never knew how much genuine happiness I would feel watching a kid go down the slide at the park or drinking a bottle. It’s so awesome. And yes, I’m tired and I still feel like there’s never enough time for everything but that’s just how it is. There isn’t enough time for everything and we learn how to really prioritize and let go of some things.
As I prepare in these final weeks for my maternity leave, I’m having all the flashbacks of my first. I did not give myself a maternity leave that first time. I fully did not understand how greatly my life would change after bringing a baby home. I struggled to jump back into my “normal routine” with a newborn attached to me and while I healed from head to toe. It was the biggest mistake I ever made and I suffered from it. But a lot of times we learn things the hard way and that’s what forces us to grow and be smarter in the future. So this time, I’m being smart. And I’m being patient.
I will be on leave from February 1st - April 1st. It’s a weird sentence to type but I have been saying it now for 3 months on social media, in emails, to my family and friends. Almost like I’m convincing myself of it while informing them. It will without a doubt be the best decision for me and my family and also my clients. I can’t do my best work while adjusting to an entire new life. And if there’s one thing I learned from 2020, this pandemic, the work will come back. It just will.
I’m looking forward to resting, adjusting, MOVING! (oh yeah, we bought a house in September and renovations will begin sometime soon so before I know it, we’ll be packing up and settling into a brand new house). I’m also looking forward to dreaming up new ideas on my own terms. Sketching when I feel like it. Painting if I want to. Spending time with my new baby and my family and enjoying all of us experience this new child.
Thank you for reading and being. here. This post was mostly therapeutic for me. I like to share personal elements on here especially when they relate to life changes, mental health and therapy. It will be fascinating to look back one day and see the evolution of my life through the written word.
xx Stephanie
